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13 Metal Festival Beauty Essentials

(Last Updated On: May 3, 2019)

So, I started this post after coming back home from a brief night out with my close Metal Brethren cohort at a local bar here in the Field. Lucky for us, we met a fellow Metalhead for a bartender who subsequently exchanged stories and local sours. In the midst of discussion with my Brethren, I whipped out a checklist I received in a subscription vitamin box entitled “Festival Beauty Essentials.” The list ensures how to stay fresh all weekend long at your chosen music festival. Typically, one might think “Coachella.” I…think Wacken. I suggested we examine the list to accommodate the needs of fellow Metalheads attending their favorite Summertime shows and fests.

  1. Ticket–Sure. MAYBE your venue doesn’t require the physical dated technology of a ticket, but do you really want to rely on your phone when Slayer’s final shows are at stake? Print that shit out.
  2. Soap–Fuck your body wipes, skin mist, and dry shampoo. If you’re staying overnight anywhere for a festival, bring some goddamn soap so you can take a shower like a half-assed civilized human being.
  3. Black Band Tee–This is a staple. Duh. So what if it’s 104F degrees in the shade. You’re a fucking Metalhead. Suck it up.
  4. Close-toed Shoes–You’ll wish you wore these when someone comes out of the pit and decides to boot.
  5. Pockets–You see issues with chicks all the time who only come to shows because their boyfriend is into Metal. They need the essentials, but they also think a Metal show or festival is the place to look sexy in platform sandals and short-shorts with no pockets. MISTAKE. Utility is necessary. Go to the Men’s section in Wally World and buy cargo pants. You wouldn’t storm into battle without armor and you don’t mess around in the pit without your hair ties zipped up tight.
  6. Hair Ties— you’re a Metalhead with long Viking locks, these are a must for at least part of the day.
  7. Bandana–Or opt for a bandana to keep your hair outta your face. Also, they’re versatile for a number of wearable options.
  8. Lip Balm–Nobody likes chapped lips when they need to scream and cheer the band.
  9. Sunscreen–Unless you wanna look like a lobster and die during a crowdsurf session, grab a high SPF.
  10. Deodorant–Just do society a favor.
  11. Sunglasses–Go to the dollar store and buy some cheepies. Chances are they will get lost, smashed, or chucked up into the air during a drunken fit of Metal rage. Maybe you should keep a few pairs on hand…
  12. Mints–I mean, if you wanna get laid…
  13. Power Bank–I know from personal experience it’s never a good idea to try recording the opening of a set (Meshuggah taught me), but keep the memories alive with a few solid shots of your favs and your friends. And maybe even that craft beer you paid $20 for. And that Kuma’s burger. And that hilarious Metalhead REALLY getting into the set.

AND ENJOY YOUR METAL ADVENTURE!!!

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